


If the world was ending (you'd come over, right?)

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Disorder, Blow Jobs, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Insecure Tony Stark, Lack of Communication, M/M, Orgasm Anxiety, Pet Names, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Dysfunction, Tender Sex, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, sad sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:41:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25108642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One thing that never changed is Tony’s love for Steve. He tried to wash it away, but apparently it doesn’t help that the only way to save the universe is calling the man with that old phone.After alien threats and falling apart far from each other, Tony has come to the conclusion that he no longer wants to wait. Sometimes it is better to seize the moment.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 144





	If the world was ending (you'd come over, right?)

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the beginning of Infinity War, when Tony is debating wether or not calling Steve.  
> (He and Pepper never got back together after Civil War.)
> 
> Partly inspired by the lyrics of 'If the world was ending' by JP Saxe, which is indeed the title of this story.

The phone is ringing. The sound is almost taunting. Repetitive. A dull noise that makes his heart clench.

 _If you need me, I’ll be there_.

The words sound like a mock in that moment.

 _It’s not real, it’s not real_.

No one replies on the other end, and he needs him, but he’s not there.

“He’s not picking up?” Bruce asks. He sounds tentative, almost scared that he could be somehow offensive.

Tony doesn’t turn around. He stays still, his fingers wrapped around the device, almost as if his grip could make the awareness that he needs help, -that he needs _him_ \- more bearable.

“Tony?” Bruce tries again, and Tony knows he’s just trying to be supportive, that he doesn’t want him to suffer, but still he feels like a fool, standing there with an old phone, waiting for the other man to pick up, pretending there is not a stretched void between them, an empty hole that nothing is ever going to fill again.

“So?” Strange asks, and this time Tony almost snaps his head up with the intention of glaring at the magician, but his breath gets caught in his throat when the dirge on the other end of the phone stops.

“ _Tony_?” A soft tone, muffled by the distance between the two speakers, but it’s enough for Tony to feel his lungs starting to get oxygen again.

How he had missed his voice!

He closes his eyes, tightens them, and draws his lips in a strict smile, still too much bitter to be relieved.  
The heavy breath on the other end makes him start and realise he still hasn’t said anything.

But what can he say?

To hear his own name, pronounced with such delicacy by that voice which would lull him in his sleep, and make him believe - _trust_ \- that he didn’t have anything to worry about in his entire life- to hear it, by the same man who has crashed his heart, both metaphorical and literal- it’s too much even for him, and Tony doesn’t know what to say, because there would be so many words, so many _why_ , and _how could you_ , and so many _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

But the seconds pass by, and the wizard rolls his eyes, and Bruce has such a pitiful expression on his face, and Tony can almost perceive the harsh breath through the phone.

So he shuts his eyes, and it perhaps goes to the detriment of his own pride, but one thing Tony has learnt is that he doesn’t care about being proud anymore.

“ _Tony_ ” the voice repeats, but this time it’s not a question, it’s almost a prayer, and Tony swallows harshly, then he finally speaks.

“I need you.”

***

They get to the compound through a magic portal created by Strange. Tony is still a little shaken by the call, not really knowing what is going to happen next.

Bruce is trying to talk about senseless things so that Tony doesn’t focus on what has just happened. There is a part of him that would really like to take everything back, to throw the damn phone away, so far away that he’s never going to be bothered by it anymore.  
But what he rationally wants and what he emotionally needs, are two very different things. That’s why he’s still holding the device in his pocket.

Tony wonders. He wonders where Steve was during all of this mess. If he thought it was all gonna end. He wonders if Steve thought of him.  
Because Tony has. Tony has thought about Steve. And it kind of annoys him that even after having been screwed that much, Steve was still going to be his last thought.

He finds it funny. _Mocking_ , almost. That years have passed by and still he finds himself reading that damn letter. Analysing every single word, as if every time he reads it he could find out something else, an hidden meaning he hadn’t grasped at first.

Tony has basically memorised it. Sometimes, at the beginning, he didn’t even manage to fall asleep. He would just repeat those sentences again and again, almost crying out for his mind to stop running like that, Steve’s voice in his head, saying those words out loud, with his solemn tone and stoic expression.

And Tony would be a liar if he said he hadn’t cried. Because he did. Silently and in the dark, hoping no one could hear him ripping his own heart apart. Having to pretend he wasn’t bothered.  
That yeah, he hated Steve Rogers in a way that was almost visceral, but just because he had ruined their friendship. Nothing else.

And he knew Pepper, and Rhodey, and _god_ even Happy, had by now found out that his desperation couldn’t be just because of a lost friend. But they never asked. And Tony never talked.

But the phone would always rest in his pocket, and on his nightstand when he would try to sleep through the tears. Sometimes he got the impulse to throw it away. Maybe smash it with a hammer, incinerate it, even melt it. But he was a weak man. And he was pathetic. And the mere possibility that Steve _could_ , one day, in a remote future, dial his number, would stop him from acting further. And it was ironic to think that eventually _he_ had been the one to call the other.

***

It’s not like he hadn’t expected it. There had always been a part of him that thought- was _sure_ \- it was never going to work. They were too opposite of a person. Wanted different things.

There were times in which Tony would just listen to whatever Steve was convinced about and it was so difficult not to freak out at it. Different approaches, different goals. Never meant to be.

And Tony knew it.

And Steve probably knew it too.

Yet there was something stronger, a law of attraction which would push and pull them together, and sooner or later they would just find their way back to each other.

And every single time there was a piercing ache in Tony’s chest which would remind him that that was the last time. That it was all going to fall apart. And he knew it.

When he would wake up in the middle of the night, frozen blood in his veins and short breath in his throat, haunted by his own fears and insecurities, and he would just turn his head and find that blond head dreaming peacefully by his side.  
A broad chest softly rising and deflating, delicate eyelashes casting shadows on pale cheeks. And Tony would draw his fingers through that soft hair, come closer to those big but harmless arms.  
And in his sleep, Steve would still sense his presence, and would wrap his hands around Tony’s waist, drawing him closer to his chest, mindlessly leaving kisses on Tony’s forehead.

And the next day, at another meeting, they would find something else to fight about, and once again Tony was reminded that he just couldn’t have good things in his life.

***

When they finally step into the compound, Tony feels on the edge, fidgeting on the spot at the idea that he’s about to see the man again, wondering what is going to happen.

“You okay?” Bruce asks quietly, stopping him in front of the door. He grabs Tony’s arm and looks at him with a concerned face.

Tony smirks but it mostly seems a twitch of his lips. “Yeah, Brucie, no need to worry” he assures, but when Bruce’s frown deepens, he sighs. “I’m okay” he murmurs.

“Alright” Bruce says, and Tony smiles at him, appreciating the other man’s worry, before Dr. Strange knocks on the door in front of them and opens it without waiting for an answer.

There are a bunch of people inside. There is T’Challa, and there is Sam, and there is Natasha. Tony makes his look wander around them, not really sure if he should be relieved to see them there or actually make it known he’s still holding grudges.

T’Challa greets him with a firm voice, Sam only nods, Natasha tries a smile, but Tony is already not looking at them anymore.  
In the corner of the room, with slumped shoulders, a dark figure turns his head up at him, eyes darting on Tony.

***

Steve Rogers with a beard is something else. Tony is a mature enough person to admit it. He looks straight into those blue eyes and feels his own legs getting weaker.  
Steve’s hair is a little darker. A dark blonde that makes Tony want to drag his hand through those strands.

He has a beard. A _beard_. _That_ is something to consider.

Tony fell in love with his fresh shaved face. His innocent babylike expression. Yet there is something obsessing in his new look, that makes him both wanting to keep staring at it and turn his look away not being able to hold it.

Steve’s arms are crossed, huge biceps tight across his chest, his old and worn out uniform on.

Tony can point out the exact moment in which Steve gets a look of him. There is a twitch in his clenched jaw, and for an instant his eyes seem weary with sorrow, but then that composed look is back on his face, and Tony is left alone with his gut-wrenching sadness.

There is brief talking after that. Tony tries to explain what happened, but he mainly lets Bruce and Strange talk, fixing his look to his feet, finding it weird that he himself is not able to deliver that usual confidence he’s known for.

His heart keeps thrumming in his chest, and there is a part of him which is afraid someone else in the room is able to hear that.  
He would like to run away, leave them to their talk, never look into Steve’s penetrating eyes anymore.

He never wanted this. Never wanted to stand in front of the man who broke his heart and pretend like nothing happened.

He has thought about their meeting so many times, he has imagined it in any way. Him minding his business and Steve deciding to show at his door. Steve purposefully summoning the Avengers in the attempt of talking to Tony.

And god- _of course_ Tony repeated to himself that he still was bitter, that he was never going to forgive him, but every time he imagined Steve’s warm arms around him, he found himself willing to forget everything, pretend nothing had ever happened.

But when did he become so pliant? So easy to get, to fool and throw away?

But there has never been a time in his life in which he wouldn’t have been ready to risk everything for Steve.  
Even now, standing in front of that man, so different than the one he has grown used to, he can’t help but feel the urge to cry out his feelings.

There is something about Steve’s presence that makes Tony highly uncomfortable. He’s standing on the heels of his feet, waiting for something to happen, but at the same time hoping Steve won’t say anything, just walk away without a second look.

It is difficult for him to act quietly. He’s fidgeting and highly unstable in this moment, still he keeps his mouth shut, and his lips tight.

Sam is there too. He throws a glance at Tony, but he doesn’t dare to say anything.

The discussion goes on for a while, and Tony soon doesn’t even understand what the others are talking about. He steals looks of Steve, but the man doesn’t ever turn back, he keeps nodding at the other men, sometimes adding a word or two, with a deep voice that sends shivers through Tony’s spine.

***

It had happened out of nowhere, the first time. They had a rough day, the Tower was empty but he and Steve.

“Wanna get lunch outside?” Tony proposed, without any real intention.

They had been getting along lately, everything was fine between them. Easy going. Tony would make a joke, and Steve would laugh at it. No big pressure, no expectations.

“Why not” Steve replied, and so they went out.

They settled for an intimate place, a not so crowded diner, small enough for them not to fear the presence of photographers and indiscrete fans. It was a nice night.

They talked a lot, about any topic, and there was something in Steve’s lax posture that would prickle Tony’s curiosity. He found himself being interested in the sharp edge of Steve’s jaw, the curve of his exposed neck, how his fingers would stretch on the concrete of the table.

Tony had known he was attractive. Had had plenty of occasions to notice it, but it never occurred to him that Steve’s beauty could be something more than just a straight fact.

Steve curled his lips, at one point, holding in a smirk, probably not wanting to give in to him after he had made a particularly funny comment, and there had been a very vivid moment in which Tony had felt his gut do a flip back, and a mildly inopportune heat rising in his lower abdomen.

“You okay?” Steve wondered slightly frowning. His concerned expression made Tony twirl his nose.

“Yeah, Rogers, everything is fine” he clapped back. He huffed without any real fun and went on talking about mindless episodes of stupid missions.  
Then the talk somehow swayed to Tony’s love life, and that had been a little awkward.

“Pepper doesn’t want me around her that much anymore, actually” he tried to scoff, but his voice came out weak and kind of pathetic.

Steve tightened his lips. “I’m sorry” he muttered with a firm tone.

Tony shrugged. Last thing he wanted was for Steve to have pity of him. “Do not ruin your pretty face with those sad eyes” he reproached, noticing with a bit of amusement the light blush on Steve’s cheeks. “It’s better like this” he assured.  
It was just another of their breakups, he was kind of used to it by now.

“Still sorry though” Steve repeated, before pointing his blue eyes at him.

Tony twitched his mouth. “What about you, Cap?” he asked right away, thumbing with his fingers on the table just to break the silence.

Steve huffed. “Me?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

Tony pursed his lips, and leaned a little over the table. “Yeah, no girl swooning over those babyblues?” He found it a little revealing that he had addressed Steve’s eyes, since _he_ was the one who seemed on the verge of fainting for that stare.

Steve groaned in annoyance. “You’re one to talk, _Tony Stark_ ” he clapped back, and for a moment Tony felt his throat getting dry.  
“I mean-“ Steve went on, trying to hide his flushed face with a smug expression. “ _You_ ’re the one who makes girls swoon.”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “That one,” he stated pointing a finger at Steve. “Is correct.”  
He leant back slouching on the chair, making his right elbow rest on the seatback.

Steve huffed again, this time a little more amused.

“But yeah, you know what I meant with that” Tony insisted.

The other man stared at him again with piercing eyes. “What did you mean?” he asked most probably faking his cluelessness.

Tony stared back for a moment longer, and the seconds seemed to stretch between them. “No girl having the keys of Captain America’s good heart?” he decided to ask again after a while, this time with a low and husky voice, and he was pleased with seeing Steve parting a little his lips at that.

The man slowly shook his head, his eyes still fixed on Tony. “No girl” he replied with the same low tone. “Nor boy,” Steve added after a moment. “Nor- anyone else.”

Tony slightly squinted his eyes. “Good to know” he clapped back eventually.

***

The meeting never seems to come to an end. There are useless discussions, suggestions that the Avengers should come back together, and weird glances between one another.

Tony would like to look interested, but his mind is in another place. Time has passed by, and he feels like there isn’t anything more to say.  
Nothing left between the two of them. Between him and Steve. And it’s okay. Yet he’s subtly trembling at the thought of what is going to happen once the meeting ends.

He remembers how it was like, before. Banters and bickering. Nicknames thrown around, and Steve would blush at every _sweetheart_ , and Tony would tell himself he wanted to see those red cheeks because he was an asshole, but it actually would make his chest tighten with dumb feelings like endearing, and affection, and fondness.

Now it’s nothing like that. Steve doesn’t turn around. He does not steal glances of Tony and then hide his smile fearing he’s going to get caught. He stands still with his damn new beard, looking all mature and professional and just so _so_ far away from Tony.

Tony knows he has changed too. He knows he’s more tired. He’s still cracking jokes here and there, but they’re usually milder, maybe even tender. He’s worn out.

What happened in that bunker has changed him for good. There is coldness in his lungs where there used to be resolutions and goals.

The betrayal still stings, and some nights his skin craves a touch so much he feels like his loneliness is going to choke him.

***

The way home had been particularly easygoing, that time. They were still laughing because of a dumb joke Tony had made, and in the middle of that chuckle he turned to look at Steve’s crinkled smile, and once again felt his chest tighten.

It was a new feeling. Something he hadn’t felt for a long time. It slightly reminded him of the same fluttering emotion he used to feel years before whenever Pepper rolled her eyes at his silly comments. The knowledge of the similarity made him set his jaw.

He was not ready for this kind of feeling again. Not now, and especially not with Steve.

He already loved the guy in a platonic way. There had been quiet moments in which he had looked into his blue eyes and had felt like the calm he would get out of it was too tempting and he had to turn away, too afraid to drown in them.

But apparently it wasn’t like he could stop the feeling from deepening, especially not by keeping on spending time with him.

“How long are you staying?” Steve asked interrupting his trail of thought.

Tony tilted his head. “I’m leaving next morning” he informed. He noticed Steve’s face grimacing, his lips twitching a tiny bit, but the man didn’t say anything.

He had to come back to Malibu, fixing things, setting everything down. It had been a difficult time, with things ended between him and Pepper he had to find the strength to go on on his own. Plus he didn’t really want to voice it out, but he had to distance himself from Steve, considering this new weird feeling he had found out.

“Alright” Steve commented. The rest of their walk went on in silence.

***

It seemed like it was always meant to be. And Tony would have liked to deny it.

He had done so. Had repeated himself that it wasn’t but a crush, an infatuation that was going to fade with time. But by the way Steve’s hand fit so perfectly in the small of his back, he found out there was never going to be anything else in his life but the thought of that act.

They had come back to the Tower, found it empty, the others still out.

“It was a nice night” Tony commented stepping in the threshold, already trying to keep a distance between them, too afraid to linger in the memory of their kinda-date.

Steve didn’t reply, and Tony didn’t turn to look at him, instead he headed inside, hiding whatever hint of disappointment he was feeling in his gut at the thought that that was it, he was going to leave the next morning and there wasn’t anything he could do but accept Steve’s lack of interest.

“So tomorrow you’re leaving” Steve finally spoke, giving voice to Tony’s thoughts.

Tony turned around, saw him still leaning against the door. A weird grimace was darkening his expression, his arms were crossed before his chest.  
Tony made a crooked smile. “Seems like” he mumbled.

He felt uncomfortable, standing there, his arms along his body, too weird to stay like that, too weird to put his hands in his pockets.  
He pursed his lips, shifted on his feet and tried to think to whatever stupid joke crossed his mind. One line, something smooth, flirty but friendly, just to say _good night, it’s been fun, but it’s over_ , yet the only thing he could think about was _I love you_ , and _please, ask me to stay, don’t make me leave_.

“Good night, Cap” he only managed to say eventually, letting out some sort of a smirk, incapable of adding anything else, his chest too weary with all the things he didn’t have the gut to say out loud.

Steve looked at him, he tightened his lips in a strict line, and tilted his head a little. He uncrossed his arms and approached him until they were face to face, and Steve brought an hand to his elbow, almost steadying him, holding him there.

For a moment he didn’t say anything, and Tony wondered what he was trying to convey with it, if he was just waiting for Tony to say something else, or maybe pull away.

“Steve?” Tony breathed out, Steve’s face suddenly so close, _too_ close for his heart to bare the feeling, the presence of something he couldn’t have.

And then Steve leaned further, and planted a kiss on his forehead, his soft lips brushing against his skin, and Tony’s eyes fluttered close without him even realising it.

“Have a safe flight” Steve murmured on his forehead with a low tone, before distancing again and looking at him.

Tony sighed, tired of this dance they would always do around each other, conscious of the fact that he couldn’t hope for this to evolve, and yet confused by Steve’s lately dedication.

Something clicked in Steve’s eyes, the blue of his eyes growing little around his wide pupils, and he leaned closer again, this time lower, heading for Tony’s lips, before kissing him with firmness on his closed mouth.  
His grip on Tony’s arm grew tighter, his other hand came up to cradle his head, so to make the angle a better one.

Tony lingered in the contact, then pulled away a little bit, just to look at Steve, trying to find in his eyes a second-thought, maybe even uncomfortableness, rejection and embarrassment. Instead he noticed a hint of surprise, but something deeper than mere interest- _fondness_ , and even adoration.

Steve wetted his lips and smiled at Tony’s scrutinising look. He cocked his head and blushed faintly, but when Tony smiled too, he kissed him again more hurriedly, gripping at his arm with confidence.

Tony didn’t really do anything but let Steve open his mouth with his own, slide his tongue inside, dart with it along his teeth, savour his lips with no hesitation. He just complied to it, turning up his head so that Steve had more access to his mouth.  
And then Steve held him tight. Pressed his own hips against his, made their chests line up, and Tony almost felt their hearts blend together.

Steve grasped at the nape of his neck and kissed him even deeper, so eagerly and desperate, he moved even closer, and Tony had to step backward, feeling heat along his throat and in his stomach, Steve’s hands wandering on his back.

At that, Tony gasped on his mouth, replied to the kiss while feeling his legs melt, and he threw his arms around Steve’s neck, pulled him in even more, until there physically was no space between them anymore.

He felt Steve’s consideration in the way the man stroked the dip of his rear end, held his head steady to kiss him again, and then made his teeth wander across his jaw, nipping lightly at it, while Tony whimpered between his arms, losing all his control.

“Do you want it?” Steve asked breathing heavily on his throat. Tony shivered at his growl, and crashed their pelvis together, before letting a loud moan escape his parted lips.

“Was about to ask you the same” he found the force to clap back, and he felt the tiny breathy chuckle Steve let out over his pulse.

He distanced a little to look at him, and Tony noticed with another tremble how wide and dark his eyes were, so needy and amazed he felt like he was being watched from inside. Those eyes pinned him against the wall, made him confess all his darkest secrets, how deeply he craved for someone to take care of him.

“I do” Steve breathed out, his thumb slowly stroking Tony’s spine.

“Me too” Tony replied, and Steve went on kissing him again, with more emphasis if that was even possible, and Tony just let him do to him whatever he wanted.

He found himself being lifted and brought to the couch, hands still fumbling around his back. He chuckled when Steve made him fall on the cushions, panted breathlessly another time when he caught his lips in a heated kiss.

He was used to take the lead in these situations- even when he bottomed, both with men or women, he would just put on a show, try to entertain his lover, maybe scared he could somehow bore them.  
Yet he found it so easy to lay on the couch like that, drinking in the sight of Steve leaning over him, stroking his cheek, and arm, and ribs.  
He let him took his shirt off, kiss his collarbones and chest, darting down on his stomach.

He watched as Steve’s eyes widened when he looked at the dark trail of hair on his lower abdomen, wetting his lips in a subtle way, which still made Tony shudder and arch up his back into him.

Steve shushed his moans and rested an hand on his hips to make him lay back on the couch, and his demanding touch made Tony groan again, until his breath got caught in his throat when Steve unzipped his pants with a quick movement and pushed down his boxers, freeing his hard cock.

Tony shivered with pleasure, too amazed to fully realise Steve’s fingers were lightly touching his length, almost in awe.

“So pretty” Steve breathed with an husky tone, at which Tony would have loved to reply, but he couldn’t help but moan another time as soon as Steve took his cock in his fist, stroked it lazily, bliss in his eyes when he noticed Tony’s pre-come already smearing the head.

Steve leaned into his groin and licked that drip of his pleasure with sweetness, locking eyes with him, and Tony thrusted up his hips again, fearing he could come just at that sight.

“I want this too” he moaned, and when Steve frowned and looked at him in confusion, Tony propped himself on his elbows and shifted their position, climbing over Steve and straddling his waist.  
Steve grinned, he brought his hand on his face and softly caressed his cheekbone, in such a fondly way that Tony had to take a moment to breathe in and out, overwhelmed at the touch.

“I’ve always wanted this” Steve murmured with a loving expression.

Tony nodded, because agreeing out loud suddenly sounded too revealing, like he was cutting open his own chest and making it seen that his heart was racing and growing bigger at each of Steve’s praises.

He shifted lower, bent over Steve’s stomach like the other man had done with him before, and unbuckled his belt, before pulling out Steve’s big and flushed cock, watched it arch on Steve’s stomach in such a pretty way that it was flattering to realise _he_ was the cause of that.

He stroked it a couple of times, just to trace the length of it with his fingers, thumb brushing at his perineum, and he smiled amused when Steve squirmed at it.  
Then Tony bent on him again and took his dick in his mouth and closed his lips around him.

He sucked faintly, Steve moaning and thrusting a little, and even though his cock was weary on his tongue, Tony felt strangely lighter, like a burden had left his shoulders, like he was finally safe and sound- there, between Steve’s thighs, as Steve kept stroking his scalp in sweet and soothing circles.

He bobbed his head, pulled out and then back in, but Steve protested that he didn’t want to come like that, and urged Tony to shift positions another time, spread his legs and looked at his hole with that same blissful look he had directed to him the whole night.

“What is it?” Tony asked panting, a little self conscious in front of Steve’s eyes.

Steve shook his head smiling. “Told ya,” he bubbled with a breathless voice, and his Brooklyn accent made its appearance. “You’re pretty.”

The praise made Tony flush all over, his legs wide open, feeling naked in and out.  
He tried to turn away his face, maybe hide it into the pillow on his side, but Steve made him look at him again, kissing him softly.

“Look at me” he ordered. “I want you to look at me, and at yourself” he added, before proceeding to brush his fingers over Tony’s rim, working in a finger, soon after followed by another one.

Tony clenched, breathless, looked down as Steve had requested, saw the evident proof that he was enjoying himself in the way his cock was leaking and wetting his happy trail.  
He looked at Steve’s fingers pushing and pulling inside his hole, making obscene noises as they moved, and whined loudly reaching down to stroke himself.

Steve grinned. “Am I right?” he asked amused. “You’re pretty, Tony. So pretty.” He moaned himself, “God, you make me lose my mind.”

Tony shuddered at his confession, and he felt his chest tightening again, too desperate to dare to believe to Steve’s words, yet too self-deprecative to actually let himself trust them.

Steve pulled out his fingers, and replaced them a moment later with his own cock, cautious not to weight on Tony under him. He pushed its blunt head inside, waited for Tony to clench and squirm around him, and when Tony had finally accommodate to the length, he moved carefully inside of him.

There was something so caring in Steve’s thrusts, that Tony felt the need to close his eyes, focusing on the pressure along his guts, imprinting in his mind the feeling of that weight inside of him, freeing him of the weight on his heart and lungs.

He breathed in and out, and Steve frowned and asked if he was hurting him, but Tony smiled, shook his head.

He had never been one to think sex was something more than a physical need.  
There were feelings attached, of course. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But he had had way too many lovers to linger on the thought that filling or being filled by one of them meant something spiritual.

And he was certainly not going to say sex with Steve had a religious meaning, but the entangle of their legs, the sheer touch of their pelvis, their laced hands and breathless kisses left on panting chests, covered his damaged heart with a blanket of safety, the promise of an happy ending he never believed in.

And he came with a sigh of relief, the exhale of a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.  
Steve followed him, kissed him repetitively all over his throat and collar bones and jaw and cheekbones and nose.

He smiled on Tony’s flushed chest, kissed his flesh there too, murmured other praises with a low voice, so close to his heart that Tony felt like he wasn’t the real addressee of it, yet Steve wanted his organ itself to hear it.

Later, Steve asked him to stay, not to leave the next morning.

“I really need to go” Tony muttered.

“I know” Steve replied, and maybe a love so deep is easy to collide with mundane things.

***

People fumble around the office, there is chattering between the two groups, Strange and T’Challa trying to find common ground between them.

They’ve come to the decision that they’ll try to work it out, collaborate for the sake of the universe and then make up for their personal issues, or maybe just go on ignoring each other.  
There seems to be less tension in the room now, Sam even tries to hold a conversation with him, and Tony gives in and talks for a while, pretending they didn’t try to kill each other back then.

Slowly, Bruce and Natasha leave the office, sharing glances and shy smiles, trying to catch up with the wasted time, and after them T’Challa, Sam, and Strange leave too, still discussing about the Time Stone, the Doctor explaining how he came in possession of it.

Tony tries to participate to the talk, actually pretends to, following the trio with a fast pace, too aware of the figure still standing in the corner of the room. And he’s about to leave the office too when a noise catches his attention and he turns around.

Steve has straightened his posture, his hands are bucked on his belt, his chin raised.  
He looks at Tony for a long moment, almost challenging him to leave the room, run away from the embarrassing situation they’ve ended into.

Tony knows that look- _hates_ that look.

He used to love it, whenever he saw it on the battle field, when Steve would glare at villains before running over them, throwing punches and kicks in a way that made Tony’s mind race miles ahead.  
Or whenever Clint would tease him a little too much during movie night, commenting on their closeness, and Steve would almost kill him with a look, ready to start a fight to protect Tony from unnecessary jokes.

But then Tony had seen that same look that time in Siberia, and he had felt his blood stopping in his veins when he had realised it was directed at him. And he would have never even dared to _think_ that something like that could happen.

So now he almost freezes, swallows with difficulty, but he’s not going to back down, let Steve have exactly what he expects to take.

“So you’re here” Tony decides to say. He doesn’t mean to sound bitter, yet his voice comes out kind of harsh, maybe even spiteful.

Steve looks at him. For a whole moment he doesn’t say anything, he just keeps looking at him, tightening his lips, and weirdly straightening his back, squaring his shoulders, in a way that makes Tony think he’s about to go off.

And this thought bothers him a lot, because _he_ is the one who has the right to be annoyed, to still be by what happened in that bunker.  
He sets his jaw while glaring into Steve’s blue eyes, and even though he knows he’s shorter and maybe not that threatening in front of that big chunk of Steve’s body, he still raises his chin all the same, ready to snap.

But then something uncalled for happens, and he frowns actually surprised.

Steve has let go of his upright posture, and his lips are parted the tiniest bit. His eyes are no longer flaring, but look kind of hurt.

“Tony-” he mumbles in a low voice, and Tony feels like throwing up, the sound of his own name hitting him right in his chest, making him both dizzy and unsteady, wanting to cry and run away.  
“Can we talk?” Steve adds with uncertainty, uncrossing his arms, and there is an instant in which he seems to reach out, and Tony can’t help but admit that if he _did_ try to take his hand, he would let him.

“I don’t want to talk” Tony states. “Not now, I-“ he stops.  
What does he want? He doesn’t know.  
He would like it to have never happened, to have never got to that bunker.

Some nights he stays up wondering what would have happened if he hadn’t ever gone to Siberia.  
If he had just stayed there in New York, waiting for Steve to come back, discuss about the accords another time, trying to find an agreement.  
He wonders if Steve was ever going to confess him what he knew, if things had went different.

Steve’s jaw twitches, he seems saddened by Tony’s reply.  
He puts both his hands in his pockets, looks down at his feet. “Alright,” he sets for. “Whatever you want.”  
He turns his head up again, and he has a weary look, and _god_ , how much Tony hates it! He would like to bat away that expression, would like to kiss that crooked mouth.

It’s been a long day- a long period. He feels so tired, the loneliness in the hollows of his bones is suffocating. His misery crawls under his skin, and now there is this new threat.  
And he spends nights with his eyes fixed on the white wall, images of destruction running through his mind.  
He’s all alone.

“Can I just say-“ Steve’s voice interrupts his spiral of self loathe, and Tony’s eyes snap up back to look at him. “I’m glad we’re going to wok together, again” Steve ends.

Tony’s eyes narrow, and he tries to decipher Steve’s words. Is it really so? Is he really burying the hatchet? Just like that?  
“Yeah, sure” he claps back hastily. He doesn’t even know if he meant to be sarcastic or he’s actually grateful for that. He’s just tired of this tension between them.  
“Like the good ol’ days” he jokes, and it sounds bitter again. God, _why_ does it sound bitter?

Steve actually nods, not catching any trace of irony in his words, and he steps a little closer, at which Tony instantly backs down as a reflex. He realises it can be interpreted as mean of him, but he cannot force himself to come closer again.

Steve seems hurt at first, his look grimaces and his eyes sadden. But then he shakes that forlorn expression away, his composure straight again when he holds an hand in front of him, waiting for Tony to take it.

Tony frowns another time. _An handshake?_ he thinks confused. That would seal an apology, perhaps, a clarification between them.  
He eyes at Steve’s fingers, warns himself that maybe that’s the moment to step away, but he promised he is gonna do his best to solve this alien threat, and if all goes well, after they have won he can ignore Steve again and just go back to his old life.  
So he shrugs and actually takes Steve’s hand.

His skin is warm, so soft against Tony’s calloused fingers, and they _hold_ hands more than shake them.  
It’s a moment, or maybe a lifetime -Tony doesn’t know neither care- there is just his hand, and Steve’s hand, and their hands entwined, and it is a contact he thought he was never going to have again, he didn’t even dare to _long_ for it, tried to erase whatever memory was linked to his craving of a similar touch.

At first Tony doesn't fully get if Steve really pulls at him, or if it is his own subconscious which makes him lean into the other man. Yet he feels a tug from the other end, and he steps closer, and Steve’s eyes are so blue it hurts, and his lips are there and they are parted, and before Tony realises it they’re kissing.

It’s dreading and shaky, both trembling on each other’s lips, their hands still laced between their chests.

Tony can still feel his own thoughts, too many fears wandering around his head, filling his mind with images of abandonment and loneliness, and it’s too loud and scaring.  
He feels unsteady on his own quivering legs, alone in the middle of the storm of his own intrusive thoughts, and he can’t do anything else except grip at Steve’s arm, holding on the steadiness of his broad shoulders, begging him to take care of him, helping him find the way to quietness again.

And when Steve opens his mouth, nothing matters anymore. His tongue scrapes along his teeth, laps at his palate, and Tony complies at it, hears the muffled sound of a choked moan in his own throat.  
The kiss is heated, deep, but none of them is moving, too scared to make the first move, fearing it could scare the other away.

For a moment Tony thinks it’s gonna end there, just a desperate kiss before they part away and realise it’s fucked up, and they should quit it before it even starts. But then Steve’s hand comes up at his neck, and the man closes it gently at his nape and he pulls him closer, deepening their contact, actually kissing him openmouthed.

Tony whimpers at the tug. He brings up his hand and grabs an handful of Steve’s uniform- so old and dirty and ruined, and Steve encircles his waist with his other arm, makes their hips crush while he nips at Tony’s bottom lip. He pulls away for an instant, panting harshly. His eyes are wide, and Tony breathes heavily at the sight of his swollen lips surrounded by his blonde beard.

Steve closes his other arm around his waist too, trapping Tony against his chest, and Tony feels so small and protected, and he gets why he would feel so scared in the past years- because Steve’s embrace wasn’t there for him anymore.

“I’m sorry” Steve lets out. His husky voice sends shivers down Tony’s spine. He pulls his uniform tighter, then rests his forehead on his pec and breathes in. That’s Steve’s scent. Everything he has missed, everything he has longed for. It’s all there again, finally, he can let himself have it, enough with self restriction.

“I know“ he mumbles against the fabric. Steve’s palm goes up and down his back, sets in the small of it, then lowers in the dip of his spine in soothing movements.

“Are we gonna talk?” Steve asks again.

Tony turns up his head and meets his eyes. They still got the same shadow of sorrow they had before, but now they seem warmer, maybe even hopeful.

Tony draws his lips in a tight smile. “Later” he replies, and Steve tilts his head.

He knows that’s maybe not a mature thing to do, not really an healthy way to cope with whatever has happened between them, but there is another world threat now. Something worse is going to happen. Something he has nightmares about, that he cannot stop, cannot fix- that they- _all_ of them- cannot solve that easily.  
And he has spent months- _years_ \- damning himself that maybe that time in Siberia had been the last time he had had a glimpse of Steve, and they hadn’t had a proper goodbye. They had been fighting for weeks about those damn accords, had been having sex here and there, but always so bitter and annoyed at each other, and then everything had went to hell.

But Tony is tired of being bitter. He wants to have good things, he wants to enjoy every tiny crumb the universe spits at him, and he doesn’t mind it if it’s going to mock his dignity, make a fool of himself.  
He is alone, and he is in love- has tried to suffocate that feeling, but it clearly never went away.

Steve’s face is still a little confused, and for a moment, under all that facial hair, Tony gets a hint of the same clueless frown Steve would get whenever Tony would get more specific about tech gears.  
He feels a smile wanting to creep out of his lips and even though he tries to hide it at first, he eventually decides to let it out.

Steve parts his mouth at Tony’s contentment, and when he tries to ask what is going on, Tony shushes him.

“Just kiss me” Tony blurts out, and it kind of amazes his own self that he had the gut to be that direct. “For now, just kiss me” he highlights, and next thing he knows is that Steve is kissing him again, drawing him even closer to his chest, digging his tongue into Tony’s mouth with such desperation that Tony feels weak, and has to throw his arms around Steve’s neck to support himself.

Tony replies to the kiss with the same rush, pushing into Steve, but the other man takes some steps forward too, making Tony lean with his back against the door.  
He moans when he hears Steve locking the door while keeping on kissing him, the same hand on the concrete of it, pinning Tony against the wall.

Steve grasps the nape of his neck again, tugs it and kisses him even more heatedly, letting out groans of his own when Tony grips at the belt of his uniform and pulls.  
He backs away a little with a rushed breath and looks at him, and Tony can’t help but whine, and he feels pathetic at the realisation that the noise has little to do with sexual frustration but is mainly due to the relief he feels at being held by Steve again, feeling those arms around him and knowing he’s safe.

“You want it, right?” Steve asks lowly.

Tony lets out another smile at the memory of their first time, how Steve had asked that same question, how much gallant he still was with him after so many years.

“I always do” he confesses, feeling a little off balance at the earnestness of his own reply.  
“Do you?” he decides to clap back, even though he can read it in Steve’s eyes that he not only wants it, even _craves_ it.

Indeed Steve lets out a lopsided smile and kisses him again with emphasis. “Couldn’t stop dreaming about it” he pants, nudging at his jaw.

Tony chuckles, can’t stop smiling. “Yeah?” he asks wondering.  
He has, too. Mostly- he has dreamed about Steve coming back. Has dreamed about heart-wrenching apologies, has dreamed about hugs and cryings, and hands cradling his weary head.  
But he cannot pretend he never had other kinds of dreams too. Dreams that sometimes have made him feel ashamed, dirty with guilt, but so- _so_ full of pleasure. Desire coiling in his groin at the thought of Steve leaving hot breaths on his aching cock, licking stripes of saliva along his length, lapping at his throbbing hole, making him beg for something bigger and wider than his fingers.  
And he hated to wake up all alone in his empty bed- having to roughly jerk himself off, without any lube, punishing himself for being so desperate and pathetic.

But now he doesn’t want to punish himself anymore. He wants to let himself have whatever this is, whimper under Steve’s strong hands, moan at the way Steve is sucking at his throat.

“I have” Steve admits lightly nudging at his pulse, and Tony has almost forgotten what they were talking about.  
“It was frustrating” Steve goes on still kissing his neck.

Tony arches at the touch. “Tell me about it” he scoffs, and even though he meant it as sarcasm, he’s actually kind of curious.

Steve looks at him, the blue of his eyes completely dark with pleasure. “I dreamt about you. Kissing me.”

“Where?” Tony claps back without missing a beat.

Steve leers a little, then leans to the hinge of his jaw, and nips at his earlobe. “Everywhere” he says.

Tony arches again against his hips, but Steve turns his head up and looks straight at him. “I couldn’t stop thinking about the face you had our first time,” he adds. “When you went down on me.”  
He flushes a little, and Tony is amused to note that his blush is visible despite the beard. “Your eyes- I couldn’t stop dreaming about them.”

Tony doesn’t even have the time to moan at the thought of Steve having erotic dreams, because the man has suddenly rested his hand on his cheek and he’s now stroking it with affection, and what was dirty talking seems now a love declaration.

“I’ve missed you so much, Tony” Steve whispers indeed, softening his look. “I still miss you.”

Tony shivers and leans into the touch. He dares to close his eyes and feels his chest get tight. _I miss you too_.

“I’ve never stopped loving you” Steve murmurs, his thumb drawing circles on his cheekbone.

Tony opens his eyes and he knows the way his eyelashes flutter has an effect on Steve, because the man lets out a soft moan and leaves a feather-like kiss on his forehead.  
“Me neither” Tony manages to mutter, and his voice sounds rough, probably because he hadn’t expected such honesty from Steve, but he prefers to tell himself that it’s because he’s still aroused from their make-out session.

Steve draws his eyebrows together, and Tony knows what he is about to ask before he even speaks.  
“Yes” he anticipates him indeed. “ _Really_.”

At that confession Steve seems to relax a little. “We still need to talk, though” he states, and Tony nods.

“Yeah, we do.”

There is a brief moment of silence after that, in which they both look at each other, before they mentally decide whatever talk they need to do is up for later, and they’re kissing again.

It’s not like Tony feels any difference in kissing Steve after a couple of years. It still looks like an habitude, like hearing a song you used to listen to years before and realising you still know every lyric.  
It’s so intimate and familiar that he feels like they have never stopped gravitating around each other, and that there wasn’t any other way all of this could end like.

He lets Steve kiss him deeply for a moment, before dropping to his knees between Steve’s legs. He looks up and shudders at the way Steve is looking at him, panting loudly and without any restriction.

“Tony,” he calls. “You don’t have to.”  
It must cost him a lot of self restraint to say those words, because by the way he’s subtly bucking his own hips it looks like he’s not waiting for anything else.

Tony wets his lips a little while looking up. “Here to make your dreams come true” he says with a low voice, and Steve moans, giving up any other restraint.

Tony brings his hands to Steve’s belt, but then he palms them at Steve’s thighs, along the fabric of the suit. “It’s completely worn-out” he mumbles.

Steve tilts his head and shrugs. “You made it, didn’t want to throw that away” he confesses, and the sincerity of it makes Tony suck in a breath, trying to compose himself and not turn this into a crying opening-up moment.

He goes back to the fun part and unbuckles Steve’s belt. He feels expectation building in his stomach, as he lowers Steve’s pants to his calves, leaving him in his boxers.  
He notices with pleasure the huge bulge hidden by the tissue, before pushing the fabric away too. Steve’s cock is hard and flushed, and a moan escapes Tony’s lips while he suddenly feels lighter and happier.

“Oh god, how much I’ve missed you” he spills out palming at Steve’s length, and Steve moans at the touch, pushing his hips into Tony’s hand.

“ _Tony_ ” he mutters, but Tony shushes him.

“I know,” he whispers turning up his head. “I know” he repeats, and they’re locking eyes again, and it’s been a lifetime but it also feels like not even a second has passed by since the last time they’ve been together.

Tony holds his cock properly, squeezes it a little, dragging up and down his fist. He thumbs at the big head of it, amusingly realising how much pre-come Steve is already leaking, and Tony smears it a little with his finger, mesmerised by the beauty of it.

Steve moans softly in his hand, all tense and not daring to linger in the moment, and Tony is having none of it. So he leans with his head to Steve’s crotch and leaves a kiss on his cock’s head, and then peppers kisses all along the shaft, all while smoothening his other hand on one of Steve’s thighs, trying to make him relax.

He sticks out his tongue and laps at the length, licks away the pre-come dripping from his fingers, still lazily moving his hand on Steve’s cock. He knows he’s being very slow, maybe even teasing, but the truth is he really wants to live the moment. Drag it longer and longer, make it last while it’s real, never let it end and slip away from him.

He guides Steve’s cock into his mouth and once again he delicately closes his lips around him. He focuses on the weight of his length on his tongue, how it fills his entire mouth, how he has to stretch his jaw and relax his cheeks to take him all in. He moans lightly at the sensation, and Steve’s eyes snap on him, almost scrutinise him, dark and blown out.

Tony looks up again, he flutters his eyelashes maybe on purpose, starting to suck and move his head in long drags, stroking one hand on Steve’s muscled leg, and squeezing his cock with the other.  
Steve grunts, almost punches the door in front of him, flexing his legs and trying to stop himself from pushing his hips further.

Tony stops with a moan and pulls aways his mouth, keeping on fisting Steve’s length.  
“Hey” he breaths panting, his throat rough.

Steve’s mouth twitches. “I’m sorry” he mutters, and Tony shakes his head.

“Later” he repeats. “You can have this, now.”  
Then he takes Steve’s hand and brings it to his head. “I _want_ you to have this” he states.

Steve parts his lips with hesitation. “Are you sure?” he asks with a small voice.

Tony smiles a little, softens his look. “Yeah, baby, I want it.”

The pet-name causes Steve to moan again, closing his fingers through Tony’s curls and tugging a little.  
Tony purrs at that. “That’s right” he praises. “That’s right, sweetheart, I want this. I want you” he clarifies, before going back to his cock and taking it again in his mouth, this time with firmness.

He bobs his head a little faster, and Steve finally takes part too, and gently pushes and pulls his head. Tony looks up at him and he would like to smile, but Steve’s cock is huge in his mouth and he can’t do anything but suck around it, so he shuts his eyes and purrs again, trying to convey all his fondness in the act.  
Steve brings his other hand to his cheekbone and caresses him again, stroking lovingly while still moving his head now a little rougher.

Tony bobs his head again, cups Steve’s ass cheek with an hand, squeezes it lightly and pumps his fist at the base of his cock, and with a particularly rough push of Tony’s head, Steve comes inside his mouth, groaning loudly and stroking Tony’s jaw with slurred fingers.  
He bucks his hips with no control, and Tony keeps on sucking, spilling him all the way, humming and scraping a little his beard over Steve’s balls, stimulating him through the very end of his pleasure.  
And Tony actually wonders what it would feel like to feel Steve’s beard between his thighs, feeling that aching but pleasing burn on his groin, and he has to palm at his own crotch at the thought, realising he’s having a full hard-on.

Steve pulls out of his mouth, caresses his scalp with adoration, and pushes Tony’s damp curls away from his forehead.  
“Is it alright?” he asks with a worried but husky voice.

Tony growls. “Well, at least I hope it is for you” he chuckles breathless, his throat burning.

Steve smiles fondly. “Never better,” he assures. “But you know I’m not satisfied.”

Tony laughs again. “Yeah, stud, I know you can go for three rounds, some things you never forget.”

Steve blushes at that, scratches at his neck before helping Tony on his feet. “I wasn’t talking about me” he breaths out then.  
He looks at Tony with a serious face, and Tony feels almost pinned to the wall again, to the point he has to lower his eyes, duck a little his head.

“Hey” Steve murmurs raising his chin, so that Tony has to look at him again. He leans in and kisses him softly, parts Tony’s mouth with his tongue and tastes himself on his lips.  
Tony arches up in the kiss and shuts his eyes with firmness to savour the moment.

“Will you come for me too?” Steve whispers within the kisses. and Tony shivers, and he opens his eyes with both surprise and gratefulness when he finds Steve’s arms around his waist supporting him through the trembles.

Tony smirks trying to be smug. “For you, I would love to try” he claps back, but his voice is weak, and he feels suddenly very embarrassed. He can almost feel his face getting flushed.

“Tony-“ Steve murmurs.

Tony’s mouth twitches. That’s not something he really wanted to talk about.  
It’s been a while since he has managed to come. He gets hard, of course- that, at _least_. But it’s over very soon. And that hadn’t been a problem since he and Pepper had broken up, and Steve was away, and he was really in no mood to have any hookups.  
But now- with Steve looking at him so expectantly, and obviously wanting to reciprocate -and never in his life be content with a one-sided blowjob- he suddenly feels shame crawling under his skin, the evident proof he’s broken and damaged and not young and lively anymore.

“Yeah, I know” he scoffs trying to keep it lightly. “Playboy Tony Stark is not able to keep it up anymore. Karma really is a bitch, huh?” he smirks, feeling mild panic in his chest, wanting to run away from that tight embrace of Steve around him that is making him run out of air.

“Hey, Tony, shh” Steve shakes his head. “None of that.” He runs his hand on Tony’s cheek again, combs a curl behind his ear with affection.

“I’m sorry” Tony mumbles.  
He doesn’t know how to act. Doesn’t know what to say. He suddenly feels so small and a kid again, having to apology for things he has no control over.

Steve keeps his eyes on him, still stroking his cheek. “I don’t want you to be sorry” he states lowly, running his thumb in a soothing way. “This is not your fault.”  
When Tony looks at him with a hopeless face, Steve adds, “And it’s not even a problem.” His voice is reassuring, and Tony feels a small relief, but he still gives him a crooked smile.

“This is not exactly what you expected” he huffs.

Steve rolls his eyes with fondness. “I wasn’t expecting any of this, Tony” he confesses. “You have no idea how happy I am right now, and the fact that you think your- _virility_ \- could ever be an issue-“ he stops to let out a sigh. “You could never be any less than perfect to me” he finishes with a creak in his voice.

His blue eyes seem hurt with earnestness, and Tony knows he’s full of flaws, but when he looks into those eyes, for a brief moment he actually has the audacity to consider himself the best version he could ever be.

He stands on his tiptoes and leaves a sweet but brief kiss on Steve’s lips, just to make that frown of his go away, but Steve’s eyebrows narrow a little more.  
“I don’t want to push you, Tony,” he murmurs with his eyes half-closed. “But it wouldn’t be a bother to me to just- give you what you want to take.” He tries to make a small smile. “I don’t expect anything from you, I just want you to be happy.”

He holds the nape of his neck a little tighter, to make him feel his presence -his support- and Tony leans into it with ease, before locking eyes with Steve another time.  
“I’d like that” he lets out with a small voice.

Steve’s eyes are back on him, and he tilts his head. “Yeah?” he asks.

Tony nods with firmness. “Yeah, I- I’d like that a lot” he repeats, leaning in to leave another kiss on Steve’s mouth, a little more heated.

Steve smiles on his lips and kisses him back mouth-open, tightening his arms around his waist.  
Tony smiles too, still a little anxious about what is going to happen, also self-conscious about what he has confessed to him, but he’s not scared, he knows Steve is going to take care of him, try to make him as comfortable as he can with whatever outcome there is going to be.

So he just relaxes between his arms, and makes the other man take the lead, too tired to always be the one making every decision, making plans and schedules and trying to save the day.  
He melts against Steve’s chest, waits for him to make the next move, lets him cradle his head with his warm hands, deepen his tongue inside his mouth, and whines and arches on him without any self restraint.

Steve opens a little the hoodie he had put on for jogging that morning. “You put it on again?” he asks with a breathy whisper, and before Tony can understand what he’s talking about, he lightly touches his chest with trembling fingers.

Tony looks down on himself, eyes blinded by the glowing blue light of the substitute of the reactor he’s wearing. His lips twitch. “It helps me feel a little calmer” he blurts out making a lopsided smile.

“Is everything okay?” Steve asks another time, and Tony nods firmly.  
Last thing he wants is for Steve to worry about it.

“Yes, it is” he assures tracing his fingers on Steve’s face with delicacy. “Let’s turn back to what we were doing” he exhorts with a grin.

Steve relaxes and kisses him again. “Just stop me if you need it” he mumbles, and Tony would like to confirm, but he yelps in surprise when Steve crashes his hips on his crotch, bracketing him against the door.  
He grins smugly at Tony’s surprise, before kissing him deep and hungry, leaving his hoodie and making his hands wander on his pants, opening and making them fall along his legs with his briefs too.

Tony groans when Steve palms his cock, feels himself getting hard, and whines on Steve’s mouth with a helpless noise. But as soon Steve starts stroking it with precise movements, he feels another wave of anxiety in his chest, at the idea that they’re going to stand like that for hours, Steve jerking him off, and he won’t be able to reach his climax not even once.  
He tenses up and realises his cock is growing softer, so he puts a hand through his hair, and then shuts his eyes tight with shame. 

“Hey, no, Tony” Steve mutters right away, slowing his strokes. “Babe, no” he thumbs at the head of his cock, making him groan with pleasure, but it’s still not enough for bringing it to hardness again.

“I’m sorry” Tony whimpers ducking his head in the crook of Steve’s neck, bucking his hips into his fist purposelessly.

Caressing his back with soothing strokes, Steve shushes him. “It’s okay, we can try something else, I don’t mind” he whispers into his ear, kissing it, and then nipping at the hinge with his jaw, making Tony shiver.

He lets go of his cock and lifts up one of Tony’s legs, propping it in the crook of his elbow, making Tony moan at the shift of position.  
“It’s okay” Steve murmurs again, still kissing his neck, all along his throat, sucking lightly at his pulse, so that Tony melts again on him, exposes himself raising his chin and holding on on Steve’s shoulders.

“Yeah, like that” Steve says on his flesh, all while tracing circles on Tony’s back, slowly lowering his hand until he reaches Tony’s bare asscheeks, spread by the way one of his legs is held open wide by Steve.

Tony moans loudly when he feels Steve gripping and kneading at his flesh, makes little jumps between his arms at the sensation. He tries to lean into Steve’s fingers, that he feels so close, but still so far away, not even touching his hole.

“ _Steve_ ” he whimpers leaving helpless kisses on his face, and Steve grins.

“Is this okay, Tony?” he asks, and Tony knows Steve wants to really know it, but there is a hint of smugness in his tone which makes him groan.

“Yeah” he blurts out. “Yeah, I want it, this is okay- it’s okay” he slurs, and Steve smirks with fondness, before propping him better with his big hands.  
He then finally lowers his hand a little more, pressing a finger on Tony’s rim with a featherlike touch, and Tony arches down to deepen the contact.

“Alright” Steve says, almost reading his mind, kissing him quickly on his mouth and slowly working his finger inside his hole.

Tony squirms and lets out a noise of pleasure, grinding on Steve’s finger and feeling the lack of a wider touch. He keeps on kissing Steve in a lavish way, almost licking his smiles to taste his joy.  
Before he can whine for something more, Steve adds another finger and with his other hand he brings Tony closer to his chest, replying to the kiss with the same fondness.

“You okay?” he asks again softly.

Tony nods panting, and arches again with a loud moan when Steve moves his fingers inside of him, precise thrusts that leave him breathless.

“Oh, Tony-“ he moans too, and Tony’s eyes snap on him, and he can see just how much Steve is not only enjoying this, but also engraving it in his memory, saving it forever in his mind.  
“You- it never went away” he bubbles, and Tony chuckles at it before yelping another time.  
Steve works in a third finger, massages his rim with precise strokes of his thumb.

“What?” Tony asks within moans, gripping tighter on Steve’s broad shoulders, arching again and again, trying to assimilate Steve’s fingers, keeping them with him forever.

“How gorgeous you are” Steve replies kissing him. “ _Beautiful_ ” he adds sticking his tongue in his mouth, and Tony whimpers on it too, and lets him move his fingers along his prostate, sending him sparkles of pleasure all along his spine, making his legs go so weak he fears he’s not going to be able to walk for a while after this, a consideration which brings him to another thought, so he parts from his lips.

“Steve, darling” he calls panting and he sees how Steve glows at the term of endearment. “Come inside me” he offers.

Steve’s fingers still a moment inside his hole, and that makes him wince.  
“I’m sorry” Steve immediately apologies, but Tony shushes him. “There’s no need to, Tony” he bubbles flushing the slightest.

“Why not?” Tony asks breathing harshly, still grinding on his hand.

Steve catches his intention and starts moving his fingers again.  
“I’ve already come” he explains sheepishly, and Tony kisses his crooked smile.

“I want you to do that again, soldier” he exhorts, and when Steve tilts his head in doubt, Tony arches up against him with all the strength left in his legs, so to crash his own groin with Steve’s crotch.  
Steve moans right away.

“See?” Tony points out with a little grin. “I know you want to go again” he says, feeling Steve’s cock getting hard another time and swelling against Tony’s close stomach.

Steve seems to ponder a little his propose. “Are you sure?” he mumbles concerned. “Don’t say that just for me.”

He looks so worried Tony has to soften his expression. “Hey” he tries to steady his voice, even though the pressure of Steve’s fingers against his prostate still makes him breath harshly. “I want it, big guy.”  
He caresses Steve’s cheek with his thumb. “I may not come, but it sure would be a hell of a pleasure to feel you fill me up” he states.

Steve lets out a shaky breath, and Tony realises his cock is spilling pre-come again. “Alright,” Steve finally settles for. “Alright.”

Tony purses his lips in contentment. “Stuff me, stud” he jokes, kissing the tip of his nose, his chest tightening with love when Steve twirls it adorably. It’s instants like this that make him think that he shouldn’t be anywhere else but in Steve’s arms.

“Come on” he hurries again, so Steve brings his other hand under Tony’s leg, and makes him lean into the concrete of the door, warning him to support himself.  
He gives a couple of last strokes to Tony’s prostate with his fingers, before puling them out, and Tony whines loudly already missing their presence.

Getting the reason of his moan, Steve smiles widely. “You’re gonna love what comes now better” he says, and Tony shudders at his low voice. Hearing Steve dirty talking with that beard and ruined suit sure is one lifetime experience.

“Hurry up, then” he has to clap back, mostly because he wants to have the last word.

Steve shushes him and brings his hand to his own cock stroking it slowly against Tony’s slightly hard dick. At the friction Tony groans, gripping tightly on Steve’s shoulder. He watches in awe as Steve fucks his own fist to bring himself to hardness, and leans into Steve’s face to leave breathless kisses all along his cheeks.

“You’re so hot” he can’t help but point out. “So fucking hot, so damn sexy, oh god.”

Steve chuckles while panting. “Yeah?” he asks with a smirk, which Tony kisses, tugging a little at his beard.

“I couldn’t- I saw you and I couldn’t stop thinking about you- in me” he confesses. “The beard-“ he eventually adds, and would like to bite his tongue because Steve looks at him right away.

“You like it?” he wonders, and he tries to be smug, but Tony can trace pure need of praise in his voice.

He nods fervently. “I want it between my legs” he orders, and Steve laughs again.

“We’ll have time for that” he assures, while Tony’s chest swells at the simplicity of his sentence, at the way Steve takes it for granted that there is going to be a later. He _wants_ that.

He’s lost in his blue eyes when he feels the pressure of the head of Steve’s cock on his hole, and he arches against it on reflex.  
“Yes, _please_ ” he almost begs.

Steve smiles at his impatience, pushing into him slowly and carefully, even though Tony clenches and grinds on him, trying to hurry him up.  
When Steve’s cock starts to finally slide in he whimpers, and Steve immediately tightens his embrace, holding him.

“I’m here, baby” he reassures him, thumbing at his collar bones and neck nape, shushing him with softness.  
He pushes inside to the base of his cock, and kisses his earlobe and forehead. “I’m here” he repeats.

Shuddering, Tony nods a couple of times, before whining again and clenching his hole to accommodate Steve inside of him.  
“I’m okay” he assures. “Really, darling, I’m okay, go on.”

Steve smiles and moves slowly, pulling out to the head of his cock and then pushing in again, holding Tony between his moans, groaning on his own while Tony kisses his throat and pulse.

“Go on” Tony exhorts again. “Harder, I’m not gonna break” he feels like noting, and Steve’s lips twitch at that, and he leans into Tony to kiss him properly, moving inside of him with more firm thrusts.

Tony opens his mouth slack, lets Steve’s tongue bring him to exhaustion, focusing on the precise movements inside of him.  
Steve is still holding his legs spread, so he’s stretched open for his cock, and he feels the width of it inside his walls, feels how it really does fill him up. He moans on Steve’s tongue.

“You like it?” Steve asks panting. He thrusts vigorously, almost plastering his own chest to Tony every time he pushes in, and Tony groans, his own cock trapped between their chests, arching against his stomach, trying to keep on being interested in the situation.

He nods. “Yeah, sweetheart, I like it” he grinds down anticipating Steve’s thrusts, and moans loudly at it. “I like it, I love it,” he pants. “I love you” he lets out, not even caring if it sounds desperate.

Steve kisses him another time, thrusts in again and again. “I love you too” he breaths on his lips.  
His movements are kind of slurred, too enthusiastic, maybe. He bucks up his hips and brushes against Tony’s prostate with emphasis.

Tony replies to the kiss almost licking into his mouth, and he gets to swallow Steve’s moan when he comes. The sound dying in his own throat makes him clench hard on Steve’s cock, milking him to spill himself inside his hole, and Steve kisses him and kisses him mouth-open, tongue darting all around his lips.

Steve is still thrusting inside of him when he brings his hand on Tony’s hole again, massaging his rim with his thumb, so that Tony arches on him, almost hitting his head on the door at the sensation.  
“ _Steve_ ” he groans, and he doesn’t even fully realise it when he’s coming too, splattering come on Steve’s abdomen, making a mess of both of them.

“Oh god” he pants when Steve lets go of his sensitive hole, still holding him up and filling him with his softening cock.  
“I-“ Tony stutters with a breathless voice. He looks down on his stomach, finding it sticky and wet with his own come. He lets out a sigh of relief.

“You came” Steve states, and he almost sounds proud, leaning into him to kiss him again, hair and beard all damp with sweat.

“Yeah” Tony breaths with a soft smile. “You do miracles, Captain” he jokes, mostly to make the situation lighter, all again self conscious.

Steve twirls his nose and shakes his head. He kisses Tony’s forehead and strokes his scalp with sweet caresses. “You did it” he praises him. “You’re so good, Tony. So perfect, just extraordinaire.”

At his endearing words Tony chuckles a little, considering it maybe embarrassing that he’s being complimented in that way for that reason, but he feels his heart get warm, and his lungs getting air again. A part of him tells him that Steve is not talking about sex only.  
He looks into Steve’s eyes and finds the answer to his question.

Steve slowly pulls out, and helps him to his feet again. “It’s going to be a little complicate to explain out there what we talked about” Tony bats when he’s standing right, trying to find a way to clean himself of all the mess on his stomach.

Steve laughs lightly. “Can’t wait to hear your excuse” he jokes, and Tony actually realises he likes this new version of him, a little undone but funnier, maybe more easygoing.

Tony purses his lips at him, before putting on his crumpled pants laying on the floor. “Can’t believe I defiled both Captain America and this nomad thing you are now. I really am that irresistible, huh?” he can’t help but joke again, and Steve pulls him by his hand, bringing him close to his chest another time.

“You’re feeling happy today, I see” he points out with a grin. He combs his dark curls adjusting it.

“Perhaps” Tony teases, but he can’t hide a smile too.

That morning he would have never expected his day to go like this, and for the first part of it he firmly believed he was going to have a rough time, but now that he is being held by Steve, he realises that for once he can relax a little bit, that maybe not everything in his life is bad.

Steve leaves a kiss on the tip of his nose, caresses his back with a wide hand. “I like to see you happy” he states, then he seems to grimace. “I don’t want you to ever feel bad again.”

At that Tony sniffs and twitches his jaw. “I hope so” he murmurs.  
He would like to trick himself into believing that everything is fine again, that he has nothing to worry about. But even without considering the whole alien threat, there still are a lot of unsaid between him and Steve, which he just can’t ignore.

He lowers his head, but Steve’s gentle fingers lift his chin.

“Hey” he calls. “We still need to talk,” he has a weary look, but there is also a hint of hope in it. “I _want_ us to talk, Tony. But I also want _this_ ” he confesses nodding at their embrace. “And this time I’m not willing to lose it- to lose _you_. Not now that I’ve found you again” he murmurs.

His words hit Tony’s chest right in the middle, and he is able to feel that hope too, for the first time.

He smiles firmly, takes in the sight of Steve, still a little messy because of their encounter, but he conveys such contentment that Tony cannot physically not be affected by it as well.

They’re going to find a way, there is no doubt.

**Author's Note:**

> HERE I AM!!!
> 
> I would like to say this has been a burst of sudden creativity, but it actually took me ages (I've been working on this for weeks omg).
> 
> I don't really have much to say, apart from the fact that i really, _really_ hope you liked this!  
> If you did, I would absolutely love to read your opinions in the comments!!!
> 
> Have a great day!! Love you<3


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